Today has been a descent day, surprisingly. Going through the motions of just about every college student including classes, homework, studying, eating, and maybe spending time with friends. Except for me today was different.
Last night I received a text from a very close friend of mine. The text said, “Sending this as a general message to anyone who says they care about me….whether you actually do or not. If you don’t know, I have struggled with depression and self harm for about 4 years now and tonight it has gotten the best of me. I can’t take this stress and the feeling of nothingness anymore. I’m 100% done. I’m sorry.” I continuously messaged her on every thing possible from text, Facebook messenger, and snapchat. I got no response from her. I was scared. Her best friend from back home messaged me on Facebook and asked me if I had heard from her. She finally got in touch with my friend and told me that she was okay. I was relieved.
Today, I was so grateful that she was still here to spend the next two years if not more with me. I never thought I would make a friend at school that I would be so close with.
Depression, self-harm, anxiety, and all other mental illnesses are no joke. It is real and it is terrible. You may not realize that your best friend could be in a battle with themselves and you would never know. When you’ve had a mental illness before sometimes it will come back in a blink of an eye without warning. You sit there confused on what triggered it, why it came back, and if it will win this time.
Suicide has taken on average 40,000 people a year and is the second most leading cause of death in teens and young adults ages 15-24. These people commonly feel as though they will never be good enough and will never fit in. They soon begin to feel as though they are a burden or disappointment to others around them. So they think that suicide is their only way out of a cruel society and terrifying voices inside their head. People all around me are hurting, fighting, and trying over and over again and I would never know unless I was a person they feel like they can trust and help them reach their full potential.
You never know what a person is going through unless you sit down with them a truly listen. Learn about mental illnesses and know that their is light at the end of the tunnel for any age. Don’t give up on yourself or the others around you. Help those who you can by listening, being there, or talking to them. So the point of my story was that my best friend is still here today. We spent time together today that we normally wouldn’t do. I know I pushed myself aside and pushed my priorities around. But the thing that really matters is that time I spent with her will always be there. My best friend is beautiful, strong, funny, outgoing, caring, and hurting but that’s okay because I know that she trust me when I say this, “Everything will be okay, I know it is hard right now, but I am always here for you. Just know that I love you.”
I was afraid I had lost someone who has been there for me through so much in the past year. Don’t let it come to the unknown reality if you will ever see them again. I know I will see her and talk to her again but what if I didn’t get that text from her last night.